Broccoli Hazardous to your Health?
© Marsha Jordan

Did you know that each time you eat broccoli, you’re risking your life? According to a recent useless information poll, most of the people who die of cancer have eaten broccoli at some time in their lives. In addition, Dr. No Zetall of Dumstuff University in Oshkosh, Wisconsin reports that 99% of those in car crashes ate broccoli within six months of their accident. Prison surveys show that virtually all inmates were forced to eat broccoli as children. Scary, ha?

With very few exceptions, all broccoli eaters born between 1800 and 1900 either are dead or have severe physical limitations. Holy cow! How come farmers don’t stick warning labels on this dangerous stuff?

You know I’m kidding: but have you guessed what I’m leading up to? You can add up the statistics and still make the wrong conclusion. The wrong focus can lead you way off track.

My grandson, Cobi focuses on the positive. He believes he can do anything. He’s not afraid of failing or looking silly. He likes to show off his muscles and he brags about how tough he is.

I once took him with me to the dentists. Having endured a traumatic experience when he was badly burned, he was terrified of all doctors’ offices. The dentist tried to calm his fears by letting him operate the chair while I sat in it. He moved me up and down and tilted me into a reclining position. I asked if he’d like to try sitting in the chair.

“No way!” he said emphatically, shaking his head and taking a step backwards. “But,” he told the dentists, “when I grow up, I will be brave and not afraid to sit in that big chair under the hot light. I won’t even care if my teeth are drilled,” he said, “because I’m going to be big and strong, and tough and fearless…someday…when I grow up.”

Is it possible that I too can admit my present inadequacies and still have confidence that I will “grow up” some day? With God helping me, I will grow to be spiritually stronger, braver, and better in the future. This is what hope and faith are all about.

Kids only become pessimistic after we adults teach them that they can’t do what they think they can. We begin life as positive thinker. I believe God wants us to keep that positive, hopeful, trusting attitude.

A positive attitude is healthy. It keeps your spirits up. When things aren’t goin your way, you can remind yourself that someday things will get better.

Tomorrow you will get a better job, you’ll meet Mr. Perfect, you’ll lose that weight, and your bald spot ill disappear. Well, maybe your bald spot won’t disappear, and maybe there’s no such things as Mr. Perfect; but things will probably look better tomorrow anyway.

According to “they” (you know, the people who say everything), optimists are far less likely to develop heart disease from pessimists. I heard it was positive thinking that kept Dick Cheney’s heart attacks down to only one per month.

“They” say optimists are more successful and happier than pessimists. The Bible confirms this idea. “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) If you think of yourself s happy, loving, and capable, you will BE happy, loving, and capable. If you believe you are a failure, you’ll act like one and fulfill that prophecy about yourself. You become what you think you are.

Negative people may as well make reservations at the funeral parlor. Broccoli may not kill the, but focusing on the negative could. Pessimism causes ulcers and heart attacks, anxiety, and a host of other problems. Negativity, not vegetables, should carry a warning label.

Marsha Jordan (a.k.a. The Peanut Butter Queen)
Columnists for Handmaidens Magazine
Author of “Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter”
Released February 2006.  http://clik.to/hhp